Away from home

I didn't start missing people until the day of my flight. When I left church that day I had started missing those Sunday friends already; people I had grown up with, served alongside, and/or cared for. I knew it would be almost impossible to to find the kind of camaraderie I had with these friends. Young and not-so-young alike.

Then I had lunch with the girls, referring to the five girls who are probably the only ones who can make me do things I don't want to do. I always refer to them as 'the girls' in my head and my planner. I was all right during lunch, but started to feel sad when we parted ways after lunch. I miss our dinner dates.

Throughout the entire process of applying, waiting for confirmation, making arrangements to come here, etc, I knew I would miss my family. A given. But I didn't think much about it I guess, as my mind was occupied with 'what if they reject me after 2 months' thoughts and later when I had confirmation, with 'thank God!', 'I can't believe this is happening', and 'what else do I need to settle before I go' thoughts. Even after checking-in at the airport I was fine. Only when we were at the customs did I start feeling super emo. SUPER. I wanted to find a place to sit down and indulge in my emo-ness.

I didn't.

I miss life back home, the people, the compactness of the country, the transportation, the convenience. Not that life here is bad of course, especially if one drives. Almost everyone I've met is friendly and nice. It's so amazing. And the thing I love most about this place now is the sky. So blue and clear in the day and filled with stars at night. Makes me happy just staring at them.

2013 Resolution

This is really late, I know, but I only just decided on a resolution for this year. I'm going to write/blog more. I realised I did not write much in 2012, primarily because my modules in school were interpretation modules and essays do not count. Plus, I blogged a grand total of 4 times last year, one of which was a poem by someone else.

The thing is, blogging doesn't seem to come naturally to me nowadays. You know how when you were young and you would blog about every single mundane thing in your life even though nobody wanted to read about it? That, apparently, fades off with age. Social media websites like Facebook and Twitter probably play a part too. As it is, I'm kinda forcing myself to complete this entry just a teeny-weeny bit.

Anywayss, remember I said in the previous entry I would announce something? Well, that something did not work out. Long story. There's another something in the works now, but I need to wait and it is seriously killing me. I alternate between depression and frustration when I think about it. Depression because I have been lazing around the house for the past 4 months, and frustration because I feel that this waiting is totally unnecessary but I can't do anything about it. Then I'd force myself to remember that God's timing is perfect and that I shouldn't rush Him or complain and feel slightly better. After which, I'll feel desperate and frustrated again and wonder if I should give up. And the cycle goes on and on and on.

I am back! It has been such a long time since I last blogged or even read a blog. Discounting Tumblr of course.

Things are heating up right now in my life, what with four assignments due in the next three weeks, and then exams immediately after. AND THEN it'll all be over! I would have finally finished my undergraduate studies (if I pass these last 4 modules). I seriously did not enjoy going back to school as much as I had thought I would, although I guess it being part-time made a huge difference. And can you imagine that the module I liked studying for most was Calculus and Statistics? I really miss the O'levels.

I've been on an active job search for about a month now, but I can't seem to find either a job I liked enough to do it for more than a year, or one that I liked and suited my qualifications. Almost all of the jobs that caught my eye only wanted diplomas, really.

One day, I got an idea, explored it a little, told my mum about it and it is seemingly in motion now. I'm sorry about the cryptic story, but it is a little hard to execute and I still do not know if this is what God wants me to do even after praying tons. So, I prefer to keep things under wraps first until they are more or less confirmed.

I will be back with news, though perhaps sometime next year looking at the frequency, or lack thereof, of my posts.

25

Yesterday was my 25th birthday and there's a part of me that is in denial that I have lived for a quarter of a century. Sometimes I feel like I should be 3-4 years younger; other times I feel a sense of urgency to move on to the next phase of my life, especially when I see friends my age or even younger settling down and having babies. I cannot help but wonder when it'll be my turn and eagerly await the time when my life would officially begin.

On the other hand, I am thankful for the past 25 years and having been brought thus far. I thank God everyday for my family, the blessings He has shown me, and the tests and challenges He has put me through to make me who I am today.

May the next quarter be everything I hoped for and more :)

Me Time

I realise there is such a thing as too much me time. I've been getting kinda bored with myself recently, running out of things to do and nua-ing has lost its novelty. It feels like I've been in uniSim since forever and the end is not in sight even though this is my last year.  :(

他眼里有你

我攀登了万仞的高冈
荆棘扎拦了我的衣裳
我向缥缈的云天外望
上帝，我望不见你！


我向坚厚的地刻里掏
捣毁了蛇龙们的老巢
在无底的深潭里我叫
上帝，我听不到你！


我在道旁见一个小孩
活泼，秀丽，褴楼的衣衫
他叫声妈，眼里亮着爱
上帝，他眼里有你！


--徐志摩

5 MINS FROM 2012 and I'm alone at home

This holiday season has been whooo! Someone give me a slap if I ever volunteer to make calendars from scratch again, attempt to cook a 5 course dinner for 6, make cupcakes for 40 people in 2 days, and then plan a thanksgiving dinner for 111 people. Suffice it to say I am now very convinced that I perform best under pressure.

Honestly, today does not even feel like New Year's Eve. How should Christmas Eve feel anyway? How should one feel when a single movement of the minute hand on the clock makes a difference between 2011 and 2012?